b1a4; after hours

[fourcoldpaws]

baro/girl!cnu. r. 1002 words. b1a4 is a co-ed group and sunwoo may or may not be sleeping with woori. (originally posted at kprompts)

For the sake of professionalism and good group dynamics and the company policies printed up in a neat little pamphlet stacked on shelves in the corridor outside the CEO’s office, Sunwoo very diligently does not sleep with Woori.

It’s not really about the fans, per se, (well, of course it’s about the fans, everything is about the fans, but,) while a part of Sunwoo sometimes thinks that most of the fans wouldn’t necessarily mind, (they have a witty ship name like anyone else) – if anything, it’s just not what they’d expect; Woori and Jinyoung, Woori and Chanshik, that’s the kind of story that’d make headlines and some extra grands in the company chest, maybe even boost their popularity for a month or two… but it really isn’t about that. It’s anyway not part of their job, their job is to be attractive and available always. None of it’s got anything to do with that.

Woori and Sunwoo comes down to Woori, and to Sunwoo, and sometimes Sunwoo thinks about what things might have been like if they had not been famous and subject to so many supposed-to’s and so fucking fucking busy – and doubts that they would be much different at all. They are who they are and that sets the course of things.

Woori is the kind of girl who you (well, Sunwoo anyway) wouldn’t talk to at a party, but if your friend asks you what you think of her you wouldn’t have anything negative to say. She’s just… not… You might noncommittally tell your friend that she doesn’t have it. Even though both Woori and Junghwa (and Sunwoo, for that matter) have properly shitty eyesight it’s Woori who gets the glasses because she (although nobody would say this out loud) needs something to be recognized by. Woori is the kind of girl who smiles when she’s uncomfortable, who punches your arm in earnest as an expression of affection, whose way of seduction is to corner you and look into your eyes and very honestly ask if you want to have sex with her.

It’s funny because Sunwoo is the kind of guy who (although this would never pass his lips during an interview or the likes; “Someone who communicates well and understands me, someone with a nice smile,” he recites from his memorized script, this so carefully put vagueness entirely void of specifics applicable to Woori and Junghwa) generally prefers the femme fatale type, the big gazonkers and a smashing ass (although swear-to-god he only harbors brotherly feelings for Junghwa he may have caught himself studying her rotund posterior on a few occasions – it’s right there and he’s a man okay, what’s he supposed to do, besides doesn’t she think he sees the way she looks at him when he’s wearing sweatpants), the long flowing hair and blood-red lipstick kind of type. Sunwoo is the kind of guy who pulled at girls’ pigtails at school, who thinks caring about things is a weakness, who, at the times when he really wants to kiss her, teasingly calls Woori “hyung” and then feels really bad about it because he knows that she harbors complexes about her height and wide shoulders and flat ass. He knows that if she puts her hand around his throat briefly and grins a little it’s okay, but if she just walks away it will plague him a whole day and he will hate that he’s too stubborn to apologize.

He never told her that she rocked the “Baby I’m sorry” undercut, never tells her how hot she looks when she raps, certainly doesn’t tell her that whenever she walks around the dorm in a t-shirt with no bra under he needs to go outside for a moment, and at those times in the van when everybody’s sleeping and she might lean her head on his shoulder and look up at him and smile a tired smile he will shrug her off and look out the window.

Instead there’s incidents of him walking in on her in just a tank top in the bathroom which somehow end with them aggressively ugly-snogging against the door for fifteen minutes before she leaves with stiff legs and a red face, and Sunwoo really wonders if stuff like that doesn’t fuck up the group dynamic more than anything.

Maybe it’s better then, the times that he actually fingers her against that bathroom door, the other hand clamped over her mouth because the others are probably up by now and he just can’t stop grinning like an idiot at her messy hair and squeezed-shut eyes and strangled noises against his palm and when she stretches up against the door and tips her head back and stops breathing he leans in and presses his lips and face against her neck and somehow making her come feels almost like he’s coming himself. (But it’s not like it’s easier to look each other in the eye afterwards.)

Maybe it’s better, the times that they fuck in her bed, granted still without talking but at least she looks up at him when he rolls on the condom and he looks back as good as he can, fumbling more than he should at this point and probably being a little too quick with it but she just wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him close close to her chest so that they rock together and all he can do is bury his face in her hair and come way too fast and flush when she kisses his temple.

Sunwoo likes to think that it’s complicated. That some things are out of their hands. Sometimes he wonders if he’s afraid, and what he’s afraid of. But what would he even say? Hey this is never gonna lead anywhere and I’m also not sure if you’re good enough for me because you’re not what I fapped to in junior high. (And he’s also aware that this is the exact reason why he’s not good enough for her).

Comments

[changeful.livejournal.com]

you wrote this!!

it's as awesome the second read through as the first sob. even though it's just snippets of their sort of relationship it makes me imagine all the quickly mentioned bits in full (like woori asking sunwoo if he wants to have sex and the no bra under the tshirt moments etc, etc)

thank you for writing this ♥ (and i will quietly hope to see more someday >>)

[fourcoldpaws.livejournal.com]

were you the prompter??

asdfg thank you ;;;; that's sort of how it was in my head too. i kind of tried to see them as a whole and what they would be like and these little moments came to me idk.

tysm! ;; (i come back to it sometimes but idk ;; this prompt sort of changed the way i look at them cause i keep seeing girl!cnu in him lmao)

[changeful.livejournal.com]

um. yes >> it's a guilty pleasure orz

I just imagine cnu asking baro if he wants to have sex and baro is so not smooth about answering because he kind of fails at being a smooth bad boy when it really matters.

oops, sorry about that. at least he makes a very lovely girl (a very lovely everything tbh)

[fourcoldpaws.livejournal.com]

pls keep doing it bec i legit sealclap everytime there's a new shinro prompt n___n

!!! actually these were my exact thoughts at the time lmao. like

he can’t really say “yes i really fucking do” so instead he shrugs a shoulder and gives something like a nod. and that first time he is so nervous that he can’t do it, his dick softens and shrivels up and won’t come back out even when she fondles it with soft fingertips. “it’s not,” he says, means to say you, but can’t. the mortification burns so bad it hurts. even though she just holds him and kisses him on the lips, never says a word about it, the fact that he pretty much knew she’d do that sort of churns unpleasantly in his belly, and he doesn’t even know why.
(yeah idk)

dw i don't rly mind. as you say it's a lovely image ಥωಥ

[changeful.livejournal.com]

well, not all the prompts are from me but if i think of anything else i'll put it there like hanging a wish on bamboo or something.

askfhsadlkh nooo... sob is it gross that my favourite part about this is baro not being able to get it up? but also just cnu taking the initiative and baro choking on his own tongue. man how long do they have to wait after that failed attempt to try again... i just want to smack baro half the time and i love it.

(this image is never going away, it's going to haunt me forever)

[fourcoldpaws.livejournal.com]

The second time happens in a roll a few weeks later when he, without even knowing how he did it, somehow got her so hot that she’s panting and twisting and swallowing her mouth dry. He touches her, more because he feels that he should than because he, at this moment, wants to; most of all he’d just want to run away and hide somewhere because he has no idea what to do, with this, with her. But she makes a noise and grabs his wrist, fits her hand over his to press it down harder and after that everything happens very quickly because suddenly he’s pulsingly hard and doesn’t think about thinking. She hooks one leg over his hip and moves up to meet him, with force and urgency that startles him and warms him hot and promptly shoots him over his edge. Following is two weeks of complete agony until her period finally arrives, three days late, but maybe something good still came out of lying stretched out together on his bed and crying in unison for the relief, for what didn’t happen, for what fucking could have fucking happened. A bond, perhaps. A strengthened connection.
(WOW JUST CASUALLY WRITING YOU PORN gosh this feels awkward but hey at least I’m writing something \o/)

[changeful.livejournal.com]

i legit cackled at this, so not my intention but enjoying it to the max. i should just sit here and chinhands and wait for more.

the image of them sobbing together to top it all off is excellent. and like sandeul or gongchan outside the door wondering wtf is up with them.

(i could try to write you porn too, if it makes you feel better! though...that might be more awkward, and i take about a hundred times longer.)

[fourcoldpaws.livejournal.com]

She masturbates in front of him. Lying half-reclined with her shirt still on and legs parted just enough. He watches silent and wide-eyed with his hands folded in his clothed lap. It’s not that it’s a completely foreign concept to him, he’s been with girls before, has tested these waters, in dark corners and under thick covers traced out shapes and felt moist on his fingertips, but maybe this is the first time he has really seen, really paid attention, even if just subconsciously. He’s older now, maybe that’s why. He watches her fingers, her face, her tensing abdomen. Her gaze hollowing, losing connection with his, sliding off, blinking vacant. Her short and low ah, when it happens. How long she stays rubbing small circles, how quick they soften.

Later he returns the favor, and she does watch in silence but with not very wide eyes, and her head sits tilted to the side. His genitals suddenly feel petty (and that’s not a great feeling), hers like a complex machinery requiring the finest and most intricate treatment while he rubs one out in one and a half monotone minute, sort of wants to shrug modestly afterwards when wiping himself off, say something along the lines of “that’s about it”, and he almost feels himself getting angry because it’s not fair, how is he supposed to do this, how is he supposed to know.

There are no quick fixes or easy answers, but they practice, and slowly they learn each other.

He eats her out, and he doesn’t know if it’s her first time, but it’s his. (She has to help him through it but he does get her off.)

Some nights, (or mornings, or noons, whatever couple of hours they can find to themselves,) they fuck three times in a row because it takes about as much time for him to come and re-harden twice as it does for her to come once. This also doesn’t feel really fair but when he realizes that when that point comes, a second can follow quite quick upon the first, he feels better about it. He pulls the third out of her, almost just wanting to see if it’s possible, and she whines and twists so bad that he almost wonders if he’s hurting her. She denies it, but he still asks if she wants it the next time.

She isn’t shy, per se. Cautious, maybe, careful, as in most other situations. But she doesn’t hesitate before wringing her shirt off or dropping her pants, doesn’t mind standing before him stretched out and naked. Doesn’t pretend not to look when he stands in front of her stretched out and naked (even if he sometimes has to suppress the urge to cover his groin with his hands and avert his gaze). Doesn’t hesitate about saying what she wants. He doesn’t tell her, but he thinks he likes it best when she pushes him down and rides him, looking down at him with dark eyes through the long tousled hair that falls into her face. Her breasts moving along with her hips, her hands clutching at his chest, her soft gasps and noises. He doesn’t need to think, doesn’t need to make decisions, doesn’t need to try to be in control. He grips her hips with shaking hands and just tries to keep up, for all he’s worth.



(haaah chinhand away but don't hold your breath, my muse is very capricious. tho if something more comes out i'll post it here, if you want n__n IF IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER is that even a question. ofc if you'd want to write something that'd be very appreciated ⊙ω⊙)

[changeful.livejournal.com]

He calls her pretty once. Not within a scripted interview, answer so carefully phrased that he might as well be telling her that her hair is black. They don't talk much during sex but just once he calls her pretty; so fucking pretty, he says with one hand in her hair and the other knotted in messy bed sheets. Maybe it shouldn't count when she has her lips wrapped around his dick but he's never said anything like that any other time, so she lets the words rattle around inside her head and she lets herself feel the silly little flutter in her stomach.

She pulls back, lips just hovering at his tip, her hand wrapped around his cock and her thumb tracing down a thick vein. Really, she wants to ask but instead she just licks him, tongue teasing at his slit.

She knows objectively that she's pretty, and there are plenty of people who tell her she's pretty. But there is a huge difference between hearing it from a flushed and breathless fan she doesn't really know and hearing it from Sunwoo as she watches his head tip back and feels his fingers pull at her hair. She scratches at the inside of his thigh as she takes him into her mouth again, swallowing him along with any words she might want to say.

They don't have it all worked out yet and when he comes he gets it all over her lips and cheeks and hair. His hand is still in her hair and he's looking at her, eyes so full of something. It melts away into embarrassment when she licks at her lips and he scrambles to reach for some tissues to clean her up, moving so abruptly he almost knocks the side of her head with his knee.

( ...yeah idk. but it's all good! i will read everything and anything you add on ♥ )

[fourcoldpaws.livejournal.com]

!!! ;; bec he would and she would ;; i love that you took on her pov while i had been staying with his. also how much meaning there is to this in all it's simplicity i mean some ppl write porn, period, and it's all good, but i can actually, like, feel heart and mind in your writing. (i'm prob reading into this but w/e)

[changeful.livejournal.com]

hehe, i'm glad it reads that way. i tend to think of a couple of non porn scenes before i can actually write porn like. imagining them at an interview or a q&a session and they're all asked that annoying who in the group would you date/who would make the best romantic partner type question. baro just kind of glances over at cnu while cnu is looking at everyone but him and he's thinking, he could say her name. really, they pretty much rotate through everyone as answers so he could say her name and have people think it means nothing - but maybe it'd make her laugh, make her smile. of course he doesn't and she doesn't either. he feels weirdly jealous but he also feels like he doesn't have a right to it. after all it's not like they defined this and he can't blame her for that.

or like imagine him overhearing someone asking cnu for her number after a recording of some show and he's really jealous but still feels like he can't do anything. so he stumbles away before she can notice he's there. the next few hours, days he keeps thinking he wants to ask her about it but he can't figure out how.

or like him freaking out a little at their dream team recording because holy shit she is all wet and he can see through her shirt. and it's kind of hot but there are a lot of people around and a lot of cameras so he kinda runs at her with a towel or something. (and he's a bit miserable when she goes to the recording with gongchan because just. oh man, not again. and he can't even be there to tie a towel around her like a cape.)

and then i think about baro watching her practice for her sexy solo stage, mouth gaping like a dead fish. she asks him to help her practice and somehow (unsurprisingly) that ends up with baro on the floor with her in his lap with her shirt off. he can't stop staring at her back in the mirrors, all smooth and perfect. at least until she turns and looks at him through the reflection with an amused little grin, trailing fingers down his jaw. then he can't look away from her face.

and YEAH i have fun daydreaming about silly relationships and fluff.

[fourcoldpaws.livejournal.com]

this is honestly giving me feelings like hgnnn. i get images of him suddenly deciding to call this thing off and start giving her the cold shoulder without much of an explanation and she doesn't rly show any emotions regarding it (although can't stop her face from falling when he pushes her away, harsher than necessary, and fuck it hurts him but he makes himself turn away) but instead one day hooks up with one of those flushed & breathless fanboys or that male idol with whom she exchanged numbers and although she never gets directly caught he's always distantly aware of it because he watches her and he pays attention to her in ways that he really shouldn't (and he seems them together at night, much too vividly, like a movie projected onto the dark ceiling of the bedroom when he's lying and trying to sleep because he has to get up in like two hours but no, all he can think of is this guy's lips on her and hands on her and what kind of noises he can make her make and whether he can make her feel better than sunwoo could, whether he treats her better than sunwoo did, fast flashing images of bra straps fallen from shoulders covered in long brown hair, man hands gripping soft thighs, fingers digging in, opened mouths and closed eyes, and more than once does he suddenly have to get up and on shaking legs rush to the bathroom and heave and spit sour gastric juices into the toilet bowl.) he doesn't call it jealousy, can't utter that name, but it doesn't help, it won't be pushed down and away and it gnaws at him so bad that one day he just cracks down and basically falls to his knees in front of her and begs her to stop, just stop, just don't, please.
(wow i wanted to write something more, something substantial, which is why i took forever to respond to this because i never got to that but oops suddenly word-vomited a bit anyway.)

and dream team recording i'm like HGNNN bec girl!cnu on dream team would be so hot??!! all wet too?!! but mainly sunwoo being miserable when it's with gongchan next time and he can't even be there to tie a towel around her like a cape BEC LIKE. he just wants to be with her, be by her side. and do all kinds of silly things together bec bottom line he just wants to be around her. and i'm like ;;;;;;;;;;; (also i rly like the image of girl!cnu and gongchan skipping around on the set and being buddies bec that would be very very cute u___u)

yeah wow you seem way better than be at coming up with actual material & relationshippy stuff i'm more like "well porn ig". (it's sort of a problem) (rly)

[changeful.livejournal.com]

it'd be awful but she'd try to be okay with it, and she'd try to move on...which is why she starts to sort of see someone else? and then uuugh he'd do that and she'd be kind of pissed off. like i feel like she'd be okay with them not having a definite thing before, and she's even okay if he just wants to be friends (even though they kinda suck at if after all that) but jerking her back and forth like that is kind of her limit. she just wants to be done with it (except not really, because she really likes him and she's kind of aware that he likes her but is just massively retarded about it). and she just ends up torn between wanting to shove him against the wall and kiss him or shove him against the wall and choke him... instead she's just kind of like 'figure out what you want.' and he just...he wants her but he's pretty sure that's not a good answer so he just kind of stares and knows he wants to kiss her and hug her and laugh with her. but he doesn't answer her and she walks away.

but of course after that she has to end her thing with the guy she was sort of seeing and he finds out like two weeks later or something. and it's like. 'oh. i should do something.' (but whaaat?) he corners her and he has 100 different things he wants to say...but nothing comes out and he just kind of does a lot of umm-ing and uuuh-ing. she rolls her eyes so hard it's a miracle her eyes don't fall out of her head tbh. and she tells him she was fine with leaving it undefined, she didn't need more from him and finally he butts in and manages to tell her that he wasn't okay with it, that he needs more.

...and then she's like. 'oh.' (they're both kinda stupid.)

AND THEN THEY PATCH THINGS UP AND THERE IS SO MUCH GLORIOUS SAP AND PORN I COULD ROLL AROUND IN IT FOREVER. and he just learns to be what he wants to be for her (a boyfriend. a good, considerate, if horrifyingly awkward, boyfriend). they don't exactly call it dating but that's basically what it is and he just...relaxes, slowly.

(and then this thing)

He’s still afraid to name what they are, because he’s sure whatever he is to Woori he’s fucking bad at it. But he relaxes when her hand is in his. She drops her head on his shoulder in the van, smiles tiredly at him; he can only hope he’s not actually shaking from the way his heart speeds up. She falls asleep on his shoulder and, since everyone else is asleep too, he lets himself drop a kiss to her hair.

When they get back to the dorm, waiting for their turns to shower, he pulls her into his room so he can kiss her properly. She hums sleepily against his lips as he nips away the last traces of her lipstick. He tells her not to fall asleep on him again, but to be honest he wouldn’t mind at all.

She puts her hand on his hip and fits her body against his as she murmurs into his ear. “Then help wake me up a little.”

He’d had every intention of waiting a bit, take things slow or whatever, since they’ve just sort of worked things out; but he’s hardly going to push her away. He slips his hand under her shirt and fondles her breasts until Junghwa knocks on the door, yelling that it’s his turn to shower.

(They end up sharing the shower, because they volunteered to go last. They don’t have sex but Sunwoo has never felt anything better than hugging Woori’s wet, naked body. Or her smushing the washcloth into his face with a laugh.)

p.s. everyone knows. the company probably asks them if they're dating and they're like nooo.... and they kind of go like '...well, if you are, it's normal for people your age. just be discrete.' which is basically permission and they discover that they can get away with a variety of pda because they're in the same group and they can play it off as normal as long as b1a4 continues to be adorably loving with each other. no one cares about their twitter flirting or them posting selcas together because they've been doing it forever! how convenient.

(i also wrote this thing (http://tylette.tumblr.com/post/61282479951/baro-girl-cnu-smut) a little back and uuugh, i can't stopppp) you can write the porn for me and i'll load up on the relationshippy stuff, that's all i want to write 60% of the time.

[fourcoldpaws.livejournal.com]

awww (he wants her but he's pretty sure that's not a good answer so he just kind of stares and knows he wants to kiss her and hug her and laugh with her nawwwngnngn) ngl i rly feel like writing this whole episode out with her being all "well ok fu i'll just shag this other guy instead" and him being all "BUT" (i may sort of have already started) (no promises tho i'm capricious as fuck) also not-having-sex-in-the-shower and smushing washclothes in face i'm just like ಥ‿ಥ (tho tbh i can't picture the company ok-ing it, partially because i'm cynical as fuck and I THRIVE OFF THE TENSION ig although pda & selcas & twitter flirting sounds very very nice hgnnnn)

(hoho i already saw that thing actually & was just going to whine abt that you hadn't linked me. I JUST WANTED TO SAY that i rly rly enjoyed it ⊙ω⊙ (i may have screamed a bit abt it on twitter) i was like simultaneously sobbing & hgnnn-ing. also i saw this (http://tylette.tumblr.com/post/62951562421/girl-shindeul-bras) and just wanted to say yes sobs all the yes, bff!shindeul bra-shopping together and body-encourageing each other and cnu poking sandeuls boobs, and this (http://tylette.tumblr.com/post/62785902985/when-i-get-my-comp-back-im-gonna-write-a-drabble) and just wanted to say very much looking forward to that HOHOHO)

[changeful.livejournal.com]

doooo it 8> between the two of us with the little bits at a time there's like a sizable fic, lol. and well...I think of it more as if it's okay'd it's because it's not like the company can really stop them. can't exactly fire them since this is well into their career and they'd lose fans. and it is easier to hide than dating outside of the group probably...or maybe the company doesn't okay it but the manager(s) know and just kind of turn a blind eye.

ngl, I was kinda embarrassed about it bc ...i don't usually write much het so i was like DO I WANT TO SHOW PEOPLE or just leave it floating on the internet where very few people will actually see it. but it was kinda fun to write so maybe i should try to write more het, idk. and girl!shindeul just grope each other all the damn time in my imagination. and cnu sleeps naked sometimes so it's like sandeul's official job to make sure she's awake so like. early morning tickling, idk. (and don't expect too much from the dirty talk thing! it's mostly going to be baro all like 'hyung, are you still awake?' '.........yes...' 'hyung, tell me you want my dick.' '...zzz.......z...' and then baro wondering how wrong it is to think about humping his sleeping boyfriend, idk.)

[fourcoldpaws.livejournal.com]

(i have written a start of some kind anyway idk. it's kind of long so it's gonna be two comments)


Junghwa walks in on them one night when she has late schedules, but not quite that late. They claim to be just talking, but are in the unforgiving light of the ceiling lamp painfully naked.

Maybe it doesn’t matter, maybe everybody already knows, but Sunwoo still feels a dull sort of panic rising within him over the next couple of days. All the warnings, all the guilt, everything he has pushed away, grown used to, grown dull to, accepted and dismissed, comes rushing back to the surface and he feels nauseous. How can he have been so fucking stupid. He regrets every little thing, every outrageous risk taken, would do anything to go back in time and have it all undone but it’s too late. He knows immediately, knows in his body, what the only answer is, what needs to be done. And it’s so obvious that it’s really fucking baffling that he didn’t see it before, that he let this go on for so long.

She comes smiling at him in the dark recesses of a set, that smile that is sort of reserved for occasions like these, that holds a promise of a moment. She looks around subtly before moving next to him, and when she knows that nobody’s looking she puts her chin on his shoulder; an easy thing, something that could still be passed off innocent, as something between friends, and whispers something completely mundane and lovely into his ear.

And he feels her breath on his skin, feels her hair and her smell and her very presence, somehow holding so many connotations in his brain, the weight and warmth of her body against his (and for a short moment he leans into it, or wants to anyway, doesn’t really know if the impulse actually translates into action, but wants to turn his head and put his face into her hair by her neck and make her laugh).

Yet it’s so stupidly easy to push her away, way too easy, like this is what comes to him, this is what’s natural to him, this is what he amounts to. So easy to shrug her off with a jerk of his shoulder, harsher than necessary, like a boy, like a child, and getting up to leave with an light sniff, moving effortlessly to the very other end of the room, as far away from her as possible, and making a point out of standing next to Chanshik and saying something that makes him laugh and laughing very loudly along with him. And he gets this very sick excited urge to turn his head and look back to see the look on her face. But doesn’t because he has a feeling it wouldn’t feel as good if he actually did it.

It would probably feel pretty shitty.

She doesn’t give up immediately, she tries again, and he can’t decide if he likes it or hates it. She comes up to him when he’s sitting with his laptop, winds arms around him and kisses him on the neck, and all in the same moment his dick perks to attention and immediately softens down again because of how nakedly genuine the gesture appears, how genuine she is. She hunches over his shoulder and then sits there, waits, and he knows she wants him to turn his head and wants to kiss him (at least that’s what he hopes she wants,) (or something,) and he catches the impulse when his head is already half-way turned, turns it back jerkily, pretends to concentrate.

And all the while until she finally gets up to leave with a barely-threre sigh he thinks about how her lips feel.

She tries to joke, tries to hit him in the chest, tries to spank his ass (as always with force enough to burn), one day even wrestles him down and every so gently roughs him up, ruffles his hair and pulls at his ears, but when she notices that he’s not fighting, just lies still and limp like a dead fish, lets him go and just lies next to him on the floor for a moment before getting up and leaving.

[fourcoldpaws.livejournal.com]

He thinks about if she had stayed little more. He thinks about if he maybe had moved to hover over her and pressed her down, grabbed her hands and pressed them down onto the floor. Or if she had moved to hover over him and pressed him down and grabbed his wrists tight and pressed them tight onto the floor, restrained them if he tried to move them, held his body still with her own. Or if he hadn’t just stilled like a dead fish in her arms, if he had looked up at her and wrestled her over and lied on top and kissed her very hard.

Or very soft.

He notes the handle pressing down once when he’s in the shower and the door is of course locked and it’s probably somebody else anyway but he still wonders if she’d barge in on him like this, if she’d step in and join him under the spray and if she’d take him into her hand and jerk him in her usual a little too slow, a little too soft, but still very nice way.

He wonders if she’d dare to climb into his bed, sneak into the room in the middle of the night and spoon him without asking. (Dare in despite of the other two sleeping in the same room or dare despite of, well, him, he’s not sure.)

(He wonders if she will ever get fed up with him and pull him aside and slam him up against a wall and scream into his face and maybe, maybe hit him.

But doubts it.)

Lastly, her last effort, the last thing she does – and he immediately knows that it’s the last, that this is all he gets, now it’s over, the bridges are burned, finito – is a gentle stroke across his cheek, so feather-light he barely feels it but still all his nerve-ends are immediately on fire, just in passing in a busy moment and nobody’s paying attention, this tiny last private moment in the middle of everything, over in two heart beats, and that’s it.

When he tries to catch her gaze over the dinner table later, she doesn’t look at him.



- (tbc) (maybe) -



yeah i can totally buy the managers knowing and just turning a blind eye/not telling the higher-ups. i kind of wonder how long one might actually be able to keep this up without being found out, like how much privacy does dorms & schedules offer etc. (technicalities, the bane of my existence. i just pull stuff out of my ass.)

(THAT SOUNDS ABSOLUTELY PERFECT TBQH. i... actually don't like dirty talking lmao i'm just excited for more shinro and that sounds right up my alley. ⊙ω⊙) (ALSO i happened to stumble across this (http://b1a4gy.tumblr.com/post/63531332570/het-chandeul-tittyfucking-fluff-ficlet-by-tylette) and can i just say HGNNNN. yes u should write more het u def should.)

[changeful.livejournal.com]

(of course i could not resist)

“I think it’s over,” Woori tells Junghwa quietly. The door to their room is closed and the lights are off, she should be sleeping or pretending to sleep. Woori pulls her blanket up to her chin and turns to stare in the general direction of Junghwa’s bed.

“I kill him,” Junghwa whispers back. She has known about Sunwoo and Woori for some time but kept quiet, because Woori asked her to, because they both knew that he would overreact if he was ‘found out’, even though everyone basically knew. She just hadn’t thought he’d end it with Woori because of that; Junghwa thought better of him than that, but apparently she was wrong.

Woori always insisted that they weren’t dating, that they hadn’t defined anything, but that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t take away the fact that she’s hurting now. If anything it makes it worse and it makes Junghwa want to shake Sunwoo and tell him what an idiot he is, what a coward he is. (But then he probably knows.)

“I’ll kill him,” she says again, louder, and Woori laughs. (It is quite a sad sound.)

“No you won’t. You love him too.”

Woori is tall but right now she sounds tiny to Junghwa. Junghwa imagines Woori half curled in her bed, fingers picking at her pillow. She’s not crying, but she probably wants to.

“Not the same way you love him, and not more than I love you.”

The sympathy is as uncomfortable as it is comforting. Junghwa slips out of her bed and picks her way across the room to Woori’s, crawling under the blankets without needing to ask, and Woori automatically curls an arm around her waist.

“I’ll be okay. If it’s one-sided then I just have to move on,” Woori murmurs against Junghwa’s neck as Junghwa pets her hair.

They fall asleep like that, Junghwa first while Woori stays awake for another hour distracting herself counting Junghwa’s breathing. But inevitably her thoughts wander and she falls asleep wondering if it’s always been one-sided. She wonders if she’s just been seeing what she wanted all along. Maybe none of it meant anything; not the shared glances, not the so soft kisses, not her name whispered into her ear while their cheeks, damp with sweat, are pressed together after sex.

She doesn’t think so, but maybe she’s still just believing what she wants. So she decides to stop, if Sunwoo wants to end things then she has no other choice. Woori falls asleep telling herself it meant nothing, that it’s always been one-sided, and as much as it hurts it’s also easier.


The following days are not easy; Woori tries to act normal and natural, she tries not to avoid Sunwoo. No matter what happened between them they are, the five of them, a team. She’d realised the risk when they started their affair and she had promised herself that whatever happened it would not drag the rest of the group down.

So, while she didn’t seek out Sunwoo she didn’t avoid him either. She smiles at him the same way she does everyone else, jokes with him as she always has when other people are watching, the only thing she doesn’t do is touch him. But Sunwoo avoids her, when no one is watching and sometimes when people are watching, and Woori has to fight to keep her expression from falling.

Junghwa puts herself between Woori and Sunwoo at an event. Chansik takes Woori’s hand as they head towards the van and urges her to take the window seat. Jinyoung asks Woori to listen to a new song he’s working on when they get back to the dorm and Sunwoo speeds ahead of them and into his room.

It’s still not easy but it helps. She comforts herself watching their shows and various fancams; they look the same as ever, as if nothing had happened, and that’s what she wants. (Because that is all that she can have now.)

When their senior pulls her aside and quietly asks for her phone number Woori gives it to him. It feels weird and uncomfortable but her days seem to be made of weird and uncomfortable so it makes no difference. She tries not to think too hard; she’s just moving on.

She pretends that she doesn’t notice Sunwoo staring at her when she returns to their waiting room.

[changeful.livejournal.com]

Sunwoo catches Woori coming back to dorm. She has her hair tied up and tucked under her hat, and no glasses. They kind of pause for no real reason, Woori standing by the door with her hand still on the handle and Sunwoo mid-step towards the bathroom. It’s not late and it’s their day off, she’s free to be doing whatever she wants, so there’s no reason for her to be sneaking – but she still feels caught for some reason.

She chews on her lips and thinks back to the date. He’d been sweet and thoughtful, all careful and nervous with her – completely unlike Sunwoo (or maybe exactly like Sunwoo when stripped of his pretenses). She felt bad comparing the two of them the whole date but it was probably inevitable.

Woori had tensed when he’d leaned in to kiss her goodnight and he’d backed off apologising. So she’d done it instead, tugged at his sleeve with an awkward smile before pressing a light kiss to his lips. He was really sweet and she’d thought that maybe she could really like him. But now, hovering by the door with Sunwoo staring at her wordlessly, she’s not sure at all.

“I was just –”

“I’m not asking,” he cuts in, and then they start moving again. He spins on his heel and disappears into his room, closing the door behind him, while she pulls her hat off. She stares at the closed door for a moment. They’re moving but she has no idea where they’re going.




and then she's so frustrated and totally not giddy from her date anymore so she grabs clean clothes and takes a shower. baro totally draws the wrong conclusion from that and proceeds to beat himself up. or something, idk. (i will probably never stop.)

[fourcoldpaws.livejournal.com]

(oops our versions differ a bit but whatever) (also “I’m not asking,” he cuts in asdfg ;;)



He knows, immediately when he sees her, instantly recognizes that look upon her face because countless of times it has been him who inflicted it upon her. It’s the look of not having gotten any in a while, and then finally having been thoroughly fucked.

He needs a moment to process it. She has somebody. Somebody else.

When a pretty little hoobae from a girl-group he doesn’t remember the name of stops him in an empty backstage corridor one day to bow deep and give him a sparkly-eyed compliment, it doesn’t take more than thirty seconds before he has made her an outrageous dirty suggestion without being anywhere near sure of what reaction he’s gonna get but somehow just doesn’t care either way, and he’d be ashamed of it if he didn’t feel so reckless and numb.

Later he’s got her pushed up against a wall with her thigh in his hand and she’s got her arms around his neck and is panting quick high-pitched little squeals into his ear and her hair bounces a little for how hard he’s pushing into her, but she tells him that he’s good, that he’s good at this, and he’s not sure if she’s honest and he’s not sure if he really got her off or if she faked it, but regardless has to begrudgingly note that whatever skills he has acquired and whatever attention he knows to pay and whatever tricks he can play with his fingers is all because of her, because of how she made him want to learn, because of how she made him want to pay attention, because of how badly he wanted to make her feel good.

This girl, this, is small in his arms, she’s light when he lifts her. The curve of her ass is round in his hand. She’s got this little dollface with freakishly big eyes and a small thin plastic nose that is hard when he brushes his own against it. Her kisses are sticky with lip-gloss, taste of chemicals. Her noises cut in his ears, too high-pitched, too whiny, too fucking everything, and he wonders if she’s doing it on purpose, if this is how she thinks she’s supposed to sound because she watched a porno and this was how the girls there sounded.

He thinks of a lower voice, more quiet, just small quick inhalations and hums and ahs. Slow words exchanged afterwards, mundane and meaningless, mouthed against his cheek. He thinks of a bigger body, stronger, where he knows every flat curve and lean angle and knows that there will never be any faking it and can know and can trust and can rely on that everything he’s shown will be genuine. He thinks of the way her teeth bite down on her lip when it’s really good and how she blinks her eyes slowly and how she meets his gaze and looks at him properly and holds it like that and doesn’t waver. And he clenches his jaw and clenches his eyes because he’s not supposed to think about shit like this, not supposed to miss shit like this.

This girl, this, he hitches up higher and fucks even harder with his whole body clenched stiff and tense, listening to her noises going up and higher and a bit helpless and feeling them grind in his ears and afterwards when he leaves he hunches down and pulls his shoulders up and skims away close to the wall and decides there and then to never meet this girl again because he knows he was too rough and that it probably hurt.

[changeful.livejournal.com]

it can still be glued together if we throw in a idk something with baro thinking about how she didn't actually look like she had sex, and telling himself he's imagining things and feeling relieved -- and then he's like 'why am i relieved? i don't care' he thinks it really hard. really, really hard and almost believes it.

except then cnu talks to her new dude and has a 'you're great but we're busy people and i'm rebounding' talk with him and ends up having more of a casual hook up relationship instead. she has needs and he's a dude so they're both sort of using each other, but he's sweet about it and sometimes she feels bad. while he's like 'don't feel bad, you're hot.' he actually texts her that once and she laughs without quite noticing that baro is in the room watching and she feels like she's starting to get over the whole thing.

...of course then baro pulls his 'pls stop' thing and cnu is rightly pissed. baro is such an ass in this verse, he knows it too. it's not fair that he can't give her anything but can't stand the thought of someone else touching her (making her laugh is even worse, it feels like forever since he's last made her laugh). he's being crazy, he knows he's being crazy, but he still tries to pin her to the wall and kiss her and she slaps him. (bc just duuude) he's probably never seen her this pissed off. she doesn't yell (bc dorms) but her whisper is so angry it burns, and she tells him to get his shit together, figure out what he wants and fast because she's not his play thing for him to poke at and jerk around whenever he likes.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

Um, hi. I just found this and I'm totally obsessed with it and it's complicated in all the right and most frustrating ways and all your little snippets in the comments just make the whole thing better. I'd read a whole damn novel about these two. Thanks for sharing.

[fourcoldpaws.livejournal.com]

awwwrwwr thank you!! it's nice to hear that somebody else cares too and not just the two of us lol. i hope you read changeful's tumblr pieces too (especially this (http://tylette.tumblr.com/post/61282479951/baro-girl-cnu-smut) heh). with time we might just have produced half a novel /o\ ty for commenting!