“I think it’s over,” Woori tells Junghwa quietly. The door to their room is closed and the lights are off, she should be sleeping or pretending to sleep. Woori pulls her blanket up to her chin and turns to stare in the general direction of Junghwa’s bed.
“I kill him,” Junghwa whispers back. She has known about Sunwoo and Woori for some time but kept quiet, because Woori asked her to, because they both knew that he would overreact if he was ‘found out’, even though everyone basically knew. She just hadn’t thought he’d end it with Woori because of that; Junghwa thought better of him than that, but apparently she was wrong.
Woori always insisted that they weren’t dating, that they hadn’t defined anything, but that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t take away the fact that she’s hurting now. If anything it makes it worse and it makes Junghwa want to shake Sunwoo and tell him what an idiot he is, what a coward he is. (But then he probably knows.)
“I’ll kill him,” she says again, louder, and Woori laughs. (It is quite a sad sound.)
“No you won’t. You love him too.”
Woori is tall but right now she sounds tiny to Junghwa. Junghwa imagines Woori half curled in her bed, fingers picking at her pillow. She’s not crying, but she probably wants to.
“Not the same way you love him, and not more than I love you.”
The sympathy is as uncomfortable as it is comforting. Junghwa slips out of her bed and picks her way across the room to Woori’s, crawling under the blankets without needing to ask, and Woori automatically curls an arm around her waist.
“I’ll be okay. If it’s one-sided then I just have to move on,” Woori murmurs against Junghwa’s neck as Junghwa pets her hair.
They fall asleep like that, Junghwa first while Woori stays awake for another hour distracting herself counting Junghwa’s breathing. But inevitably her thoughts wander and she falls asleep wondering if it’s always been one-sided. She wonders if she’s just been seeing what she wanted all along. Maybe none of it meant anything; not the shared glances, not the so soft kisses, not her name whispered into her ear while their cheeks, damp with sweat, are pressed together after sex.
She doesn’t think so, but maybe she’s still just believing what she wants. So she decides to stop, if Sunwoo wants to end things then she has no other choice. Woori falls asleep telling herself it meant nothing, that it’s always been one-sided, and as much as it hurts it’s also easier.
The following days are not easy; Woori tries to act normal and natural, she tries not to avoid Sunwoo. No matter what happened between them they are, the five of them, a team. She’d realised the risk when they started their affair and she had promised herself that whatever happened it would not drag the rest of the group down.
So, while she didn’t seek out Sunwoo she didn’t avoid him either. She smiles at him the same way she does everyone else, jokes with him as she always has when other people are watching, the only thing she doesn’t do is touch him. But Sunwoo avoids her, when no one is watching and sometimes when people are watching, and Woori has to fight to keep her expression from falling.
Junghwa puts herself between Woori and Sunwoo at an event. Chansik takes Woori’s hand as they head towards the van and urges her to take the window seat. Jinyoung asks Woori to listen to a new song he’s working on when they get back to the dorm and Sunwoo speeds ahead of them and into his room.
It’s still not easy but it helps. She comforts herself watching their shows and various fancams; they look the same as ever, as if nothing had happened, and that’s what she wants. (Because that is all that she can have now.)
When their senior pulls her aside and quietly asks for her phone number Woori gives it to him. It feels weird and uncomfortable but her days seem to be made of weird and uncomfortable so it makes no difference. She tries not to think too hard; she’s just moving on.
She pretends that she doesn’t notice Sunwoo staring at her when she returns to their waiting room.
no subject
“I think it’s over,” Woori tells Junghwa quietly. The door to their room is closed and the lights are off, she should be sleeping or pretending to sleep. Woori pulls her blanket up to her chin and turns to stare in the general direction of Junghwa’s bed.
“I kill him,” Junghwa whispers back. She has known about Sunwoo and Woori for some time but kept quiet, because Woori asked her to, because they both knew that he would overreact if he was ‘found out’, even though everyone basically knew. She just hadn’t thought he’d end it with Woori because of that; Junghwa thought better of him than that, but apparently she was wrong.
Woori always insisted that they weren’t dating, that they hadn’t defined anything, but that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t take away the fact that she’s hurting now. If anything it makes it worse and it makes Junghwa want to shake Sunwoo and tell him what an idiot he is, what a coward he is. (But then he probably knows.)
“I’ll kill him,” she says again, louder, and Woori laughs. (It is quite a sad sound.)
“No you won’t. You love him too.”
Woori is tall but right now she sounds tiny to Junghwa. Junghwa imagines Woori half curled in her bed, fingers picking at her pillow. She’s not crying, but she probably wants to.
“Not the same way you love him, and not more than I love you.”
The sympathy is as uncomfortable as it is comforting. Junghwa slips out of her bed and picks her way across the room to Woori’s, crawling under the blankets without needing to ask, and Woori automatically curls an arm around her waist.
“I’ll be okay. If it’s one-sided then I just have to move on,” Woori murmurs against Junghwa’s neck as Junghwa pets her hair.
They fall asleep like that, Junghwa first while Woori stays awake for another hour distracting herself counting Junghwa’s breathing. But inevitably her thoughts wander and she falls asleep wondering if it’s always been one-sided. She wonders if she’s just been seeing what she wanted all along. Maybe none of it meant anything; not the shared glances, not the so soft kisses, not her name whispered into her ear while their cheeks, damp with sweat, are pressed together after sex.
She doesn’t think so, but maybe she’s still just believing what she wants. So she decides to stop, if Sunwoo wants to end things then she has no other choice. Woori falls asleep telling herself it meant nothing, that it’s always been one-sided, and as much as it hurts it’s also easier.
The following days are not easy; Woori tries to act normal and natural, she tries not to avoid Sunwoo. No matter what happened between them they are, the five of them, a team. She’d realised the risk when they started their affair and she had promised herself that whatever happened it would not drag the rest of the group down.
So, while she didn’t seek out Sunwoo she didn’t avoid him either. She smiles at him the same way she does everyone else, jokes with him as she always has when other people are watching, the only thing she doesn’t do is touch him. But Sunwoo avoids her, when no one is watching and sometimes when people are watching, and Woori has to fight to keep her expression from falling.
Junghwa puts herself between Woori and Sunwoo at an event. Chansik takes Woori’s hand as they head towards the van and urges her to take the window seat. Jinyoung asks Woori to listen to a new song he’s working on when they get back to the dorm and Sunwoo speeds ahead of them and into his room.
It’s still not easy but it helps. She comforts herself watching their shows and various fancams; they look the same as ever, as if nothing had happened, and that’s what she wants. (Because that is all that she can have now.)
When their senior pulls her aside and quietly asks for her phone number Woori gives it to him. It feels weird and uncomfortable but her days seem to be made of weird and uncomfortable so it makes no difference. She tries not to think too hard; she’s just moving on.
She pretends that she doesn’t notice Sunwoo staring at her when she returns to their waiting room.